How a Resurrection Really Feels by DwarfLord128

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 7
Published: 17/04/2011
Last Updated: 19/04/2011
Status: Completed

After the War, Harry stands at a crossroads. The one task that he had devoted most of his life
to at this point is over. Not knowing where to go from here begins to take its toll on the Boy
Wizard and he begins to wonder why he decided to come back in the first place. Luckily he has
Hermione Granger to help him talk it through.




1. How a Resurrection Really Feels
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How a Resurrection Really Feels

A/N: Okay! I'm almost 100% sure that Portkey is back and ready for business, so, I've
decided to return as well. I doubt many people remember me. I started writing a few fics and then
had to abandon them because of real life. But, I feel like it will be better this time, mostly
because I'm going to try and not be so ambitious to start off (My first fic tried to cover all
seven years). So here's the first of a couple of one-shots to get me back into the writing
game.

This one started off with realizing that I only have one more year left in my college career,
which means this time next year, I'll be closing a chapter on something I spent the past 18
years working towards. That's scary. So this is me working through my thoughts of what life
will be like without the only thing I know (the education system) in it. Hope you enjoy!

Please read and review. It takes like ten seconds and it really helps us writers get better and
provide more entertainment for you fine people (the finest Harry Potter community on the net).

Disclaimer: As much as it pains me to say it, I don't own Harry Potter. I could really use
some help with these student loans.

***

Harry stood silent in the Gryffindor Common Room inhaling all the images of the poorly kempt
living space. He wasn't entirely sure what he had expected. Gryffindor hadn't exactly been
a popular House over the course of the past nine months and it's not as if the occupants
hadn't had better things to do. They were fighting a war. One he should have been there
for.

He felt like a failure. In all reality, he didn't have to leave to go hunt down the
Horcruxes. The Cup of Hufflepuff and the Diadem of Ravenclaw, the Locket really could have been
taken care of over the summer, the snake would have gotten here eventually and then there was him.
The one and only Harry Potter. Four fifths of the Horcruxes were right within his grasp at the
school and he abandoned his friends for no other reason than to run.

Overcome with guilt, he decided to ascend the stairs on towards his old dormitory and with each
step, he felt a new memory flood back to him until he was at the top and handicapped by a wave of
nostalgia. In a mist of memory, he gazed at the bed furthest to his right and while all the others
looked lived in and poorly kept, this one was pristine, better than he had ever seen it. And he had
seen it countless times over the past seven years, as it was the one that belonged to him.

“So how does it feel to be out of a job?”

Harry jumped at the sound of a foreign voice. He turned around to see who it was, but he already
knew that the voice belonged to Neville Longbottom. “Hey, Neville…”

“Sorry, Mate. Didn't mean to scare you. I just came up to catch up on some sleep.”

“Aye, Can't blame you on that one. I probably should myself, but I don't think I could
if I tried.” Harry let out a jaded chuckle as Neville patted him on the back and proceeded to walk
around him towards his bed. “What did you mean by that? Out of a job?”

Neville sat down on his bed that was straight across from the door and looked up at Harry with
his weathered disposition. “The Chosen One. I mean, I think you'll always be the Chosen One,
but now it doesn't mean anything.”

Harry crinkled his brow, pondering what Neville had just said. “I hadn't thought of that
before.” Walked towards Neville and sat down on the bed beside him. “To tell you the truth, I can
barely remember a time before the war.”

Neville knowingly nodded. “Yeah, I have a wee bit. I didn't get tangled up into this whole
thing until Fifth Year, err, the end of Fourth when he… it returned. But this was your whole life.
You did good, Harry.”

Harry squeezed out his first genuine smile in what felt like years. “Thanks, brother.” He paused
for a second and surveyed the room and settled his gaze on Neville once again. “We're far from
the eleven year olds we were when we met. Feels almost like another life.”

“Thank God, we're not. If I was still looking for that toad seven years later, what would be
the point in going on?” Neville made a face to even further push the joke.

The raven-haired boy let out a laugh that nearly shook Gryffindor Tower that was soon followed
by Neville's laughter. When they stopped laughing, Neville reached into his trunk that was at
the foot of his bed and pulled out the Sword of Gryffindor that he used to slay Nagini. “I thought
I should probably give this back.”

“Not bloody likely,” Harry said while pushing the sword away.

“But…”

“No. Neville… how can I put this… I am the Chosen One because Voldemort decided to make that be
the case 17 years ago and Dumbledore followed through with that assumption. There was no way around
what I did today and what I have been doing my whole life.” Harry put his arm around his friend and
squeezed him reassuringly. “What you did, Neville, that was all you.”

Neville shut his eyes and wiped the tears that began to flow out. “Everything you've ever
done has always been just you. I look back at my life and I can't think of many things I have
in my life that didn't start with either my parents or everyone calling me The Boy Who Lived.
Everything that you have as all because of you… including the Sword of Gryffindor.”

“Harry, I don't know what to say… Thank you… for everything.”

Harry shook his head and stood up to leave. “Don't mention it, mate. Just promise when we
leave Hogwarts and everything is said and done, that I won't have to worry about you not being
a part of my life.”

Neville beamed at Harry. “Are you kidding?”

“I suppose, it was a stupid question. Have a good sleep, Nev.”

While the talk certainly helped, he still couldn't shake the feeling of failure, nor could
he shake the feeling that something was missing, except he couldn't pinpoint what exactly.

Before he knew it, he was at the castle's main entrance hall staring at the 40 foot massive
steel reinforced wooden doors that seemingly led to his future. `Maybe the air would do me some
good,' he thought. It was not as if he had to worry about Voldemort getting him if he decided
to take an evening stroll.

He moved closer towards the double doors and they magically opened up before him. Taking a quick
look around him to make sure he was really alone, he decided to walk west towards the gardens,
which looked simply beautiful in the twilight. “Maybe this is what I was fighting for.” He said to
himself as he sniffed an orchid at the entranceway to the gardens.

“You certainly sacrificed a lot for a flower?”

For the second time today, Harry jumped at the sound of a voice that he wasn't expecting,
but this time he new who it was before she even finished. It was Hermione Granger.

“Bloody hell, I wish people would stop doing this to me.”

“I'm sorry?”

“Neville… He snuck up on me in the dormitory when I was trying to get some sleep… either that or
some time alone.”

“I can leave it you want me to.” Harry could see her sad eyes nearly hidden in the purple glow
of the evening light and while he wasn't planning on sending her away in the first place, he
felt extremely compelled to keep her there with him.

“I wouldn't think of it. Here, let's sit.” Gracefully, he took her by the hand and
guided her to a nearby bench next to the Lilac bushes.

The pair sat in silence for a bit watching the sun as it completely disappeared over the horizon
across the lake. Hermione reached into her pocket and dug out a silver coin. “Sickle for your
thoughts?” She laughed. To her dismay, he didn't return the smile and maintained his sullen
gaze towards the lake. “Harry, it's me. Hermione. You can talk to me.”

Harry nodded by reflex. He didn't actually take in anything that she was saying, but he knew
that he couldn't ignore her forever. “Do you remember when we met? You were helping Neville
look for his toad…”

“And I most rudely barged into your compartment and accosted both you and Ron… my God, why did
you guys ever decide to be my friends?” She laughed again as she closed the gap between she and
Harry, pulling him into an embrace. After releasing the pressure, she threaded her arm through his
and put her head on his shoulder. Harry was used to this, but tonight, he couldn't help but
realize how good it felt to be this close to her.

Harry looked down at her and smiled into her curly brown locks. He kissed the top of her head as
he looked back towards the lake. “Well, there was that matter with the troll.”

“Oh yeah…”

“To tell you the truth, Hermione… that was probably the greatest day of my life.”

Hermione scrunched her face up and broke the contact with Harry. She moved her hand up and used
it to move Harry's gaze towards her once more. “What do you mean?”

“Hermione, I was thinking about it earlier… everything that I have in my life I either got it or
was able to keep it because of my parents or my status as the chosen one… Ron, Ginny, my fortune,
everything… except you.” Harry began to tear up. He had understood this for a long time now, but
this was the first time he had spelled it all out in the open.

She gently began caressing his cheek as she brought her thumb up to wipe the corner of his eyes.
“Harry… Ron is your best friend; he cares about more than you being the chosen one. And Ginny is
madly in love with you… that has nothing to do with Voldemort or that scar on your head.”

“Oh no, you're right. But Ginny has admitted to me that the reason she was so taken with me
at first was because I was Harry Potter. Ron was obsessed with my history on the train… but
you're right our friendship became much more, same with my relationship with Ginny and I
wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but to you I was always Harry… never Harry Potter:
The Boy Who Lived.”

She nodded emphatically. She knew he was right in a way, but she wasn't going to have any
part in acknowledging it for him. He was already too badly hurt.

Hermione moved back to her original position with her head on his shoulder and the stared out
across the water as the sun completely disappeared. Lucky for them, the full moon illuminated the
sky and they could still see each other as well as the Lake. They sat silently for close to an hour
before anyone spoke anything. This time it was Harry.

“I was dead.”

“What?!” She exclaimed louder than she probably wanted to. Again she broke her contact with
Harry and sat up immediately.

Harry cleared his throat. “When I went in the Forrest to confront Voldemort, I saw my parents
and Sirius and Remus and they told me that they were waiting for me… and then I got to where
Voldemort was and he used the killing curse against me.”

“You… survived it again…?” Hermione asked while choking back tears at the thought of Harry getting
a chance to speak to his parents and Sirius one last time.

“No… I woke up at King's Cross Station and Dumbledore was there. He explained everything to
me. My role in all of this, why my life went the way it did… everything. And then he gave me a
choice…” Harry paused for a second and collected his thoughts. “He gave me a choice of whether to
come back or not.”

Hermione sat there wide-eyed, simply trying to take in every word that he was saying. “He gave
you a choice?”

“Yeah, he said that with my death Voldemort had lost all of his power… the last Horcrux was me… but
he would give me the choice to come back if I wanted to… although he did a good job of selling the
afterlife.” Harry smiled wistfully, turning away from Hermione. “He told me I could be with them
again… Mum, Dad… Sirius. But then I saw something…”

Through her waterfall of tears, she clasped his right hand with both of hers. “What did you
see?”


“I saw you. In the back of my head, I saw your face. And I realized no matter how much I wanted to
see Sirius again and get to know my parents or even just get a nice long rest… I still had
something to live for. And then I knew that there was never really a choice, there was only one
direction.”

Hermione quickly closed the gap between the two and tackled him into one of her famous
bone-crushing hugs. When she pulled away she stretched up and gingerly kissed him on the forehead.
“Harry…”

“I mean it.”

She was speechless. This was a rare occurrence in the life of Hermione Granger that she was
completely rendered wordless, but she couldn't help by being taken aback. Quite frankly, there
were no words in the English language that could describe how she was feeling. “So, where do we go
from here?”

“I was thinking about that too. My whole life, I simply did what I was told… in relation to the
war as well… in fact, by the end of it, I wasn't even sure what exactly I was fighting for. I
just was…” Harry began speaking slower and slower with more of a pause between his thoughts, as if
he wasn't quite sure exactly what to say, even though he had been feeling every word.

Hermione lifted one hand off of his and placed it on his shoulder. “I understand completely…
after a while, you get into such a habit of doing what you're expected to that you don't
have any clue as to what to do after that. Look at me, I spent my whole life trying to excel in
academics and here I am at the end of my whole academic life… and what to show for it?”

“Me?” He gently shoved her in a friendly manner, causing her to roll her eyes and push him
back.

“Of course, Lord Harry…”

After the laughing died, another silence sprung up between the two. “So…” Harry said after a
while. “What are your plans afterwards?”

“I'm not entirely sure. Professor McGonagall told me that the school would be open in
September to every Seventh Year who didn't feel like they got they education they were entitled
to this year. Although she did say all of us would be more than fine with all of our…
extra-curricular activities… and I think I agree with her.” Hermione could barely believe that she
was about to turn down more schooling and getting rid of her training wheels so she could ride the
bicycle for real.

Harry nodded. “I can't see myself coming back here next year… too many memories…
nightmares.”

“I feel the same way.”

“Its kind exciting. I have the chance to do anything… I never thought I'd have that freedom.
I think I want to travel.” Harry smiled to himself. “I have the rest of my life…” Harry wanted to
finish that statement, but the open-endedness enticed him. He had the rest of his life to do
anything.

Hermione beamed at him, feeling the same thing. “Speaking of travel, I suppose I'm going to
have to go to Australia to restore my parent's memory… it may take a while and they may never
recover their full memories…” She began to tear up again.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“What?”

“Do you want me to come with you to Australia? You said that it may take a while and it may be a
stressful process. You may need some type of support system.” Harry found himself gently caressing
her knee in the dark.

Hermione stared at him blankly. “Harry, I couldn't… I'm sure you have so much you want
to do.”

“Yes, you could. Hermione, you have done so much for me in our time here, you've given
everything including your parents. Let me in so I can do this for you.” Harry put both of his hands
on her shoulders and moved in closer so they were eye to eye. “You're my best friend… the only
thing that matters to me right now… let me help you.”

Hermione quickly realized that tears were flowing down her cheeks openly. She then did something
that she never thought she'd do in her life. She bent in, turned her head sideways and planted
a kiss that was full of love and admiration on Harry's lips. Not quite sure what to do, he
returned it and pulled her into a tight embrace while playing with her wild brown locks.

When she pulled back, the two of them were breathless. “Hermione…?”

“You said you didn't know what we were fighting for… well, I think I just found it… We were
fighting for our lives and now that we've won… I suppose the only thing that's left to do
is live.”

Harry smiled at her. He liked that very much and he showed her by catching her lips with a
chaste kiss. “We have a lot to figure out with this, but we have quite a while don't we.”

Hermione simply nodded while she stood up, offering Harry her hand. “Quite a while indeed.”
Harry grabbed her hand and hoisted himself up. The pair then walked hand in hand back towards the
castle and towards the rest of their lives.

***

*“Yeah, well, life is about lost love, lost minutes and lost evenings,*

*About Fire in our bellies and about furtive little feelings*

*And the aching amplitudes that set our needles all a-flickering*

*And they help us with remembering that the only thing that's left to do is live”*

- Frank Turner, I Knew Prufrock Before He Got Famous.

A/N: Thanks for Reading. Some of it may be out of character and at times Harry and Hermione may
sound more like me and my best friend from School, but you get the idea. I wasn't going to add
the kiss at the end, but I decided to throw it in there for you guys. Plus I need to work on
romance. I'm growing…

Please read and review!

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